My Relationship with Fear

I’ve been thinking about fear lately. I’d like to say my relationship with fear has changed. I’m not sure that is true. Years ago, I wrote that fear was a thief. It stole peace among other things.

There is a healthy fear that can help protect us from danger. This healthy fear isn’t the fear I’m referring to. The thief-fear steals thoughts, time, peace and joy. The fear of something in the future wears the mask and robs you.

Last week, I had a hysteroscopy. Something was going on. We needed to check and see what it might be. The results of that procedure had the potential to be life changing or be nothing at all. I’ve experienced this scenario many times. For the first time, I wasn’t afraid. I also wasn’t thinking much past the moment. I was in a state of peace beyond understanding. I knew the possible results, but I was not afraid.

Fear did not steal the days leading up to the procedure. Fear did not steal every thought. Fear did not spontaneously make my heart race.

Fear stayed away. It may have stayed away because I’ve been practicing living in the moment. It may have stayed away because I believed there was nothing to fear. It may have stayed away because I was avoiding and in denial. Or, perhaps, it was a gift.

Regardless, I’m grateful for days without fear. I’m grateful the 4 weeks of the unknown didn’t steal one moment of joy or peace from me. The final results were benign. I didn’t lose anything while waiting to hear them.

I can’t guarantee fear will always stay at bay when it isn’t useful, but I hope so. Fear was not going to change the results, only my peace. Fear would not prepare me for the worst, it would only take my present.

Without effort, I am here today. Without trying, I am in the present. I’m making my choices for today, about today. I know tomorrow is coming, but it is still today.