Between Hope and Disappointment

I recently received the go-ahead to stop taking medication I’ve been on for almost 5 years. This medication’s job is to make it more difficult for cancer to grow in my body.

This is the same medication to which I accredited 20 pounds of weight gain, hair loss, crazy emotions, fatigue, and hot flashes.

When the weight doesn’t budge regardless of exercise and the amount of healthy foods I eat.

When My hairs fall out like a Labrador’s in the heat of summer. I can wallpaper the shower wall or carpet the bathroom floor with them. Will it ever slow down?

When the hot flashes keep me in summer clothes long past the summer weather. If the medicine wasn’t the cause of these things, what do I do next?

I am left to teeter between hope that some of those side effects will pass and disappointment that they may be here to stay. Perhaps it wasn’t the medicine’s fault after all.

Whatever comes, I’m (slowly) learning to live with this blessed body I’ve been given.